Please rest now

Jag kommer att tänka på dig

You have blown out your candle. I will honour your wish.

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In honour of my old friend who passed away today. A soul that has always been positive despite the chronic illness, pain and the mental anguish she experienced more often than not. She has not lost the battle, she made the decision to quit. I respect her for that. May you finally find the quiet you have longed for, Evie. I know you will dominate the mosh pit. And yes, I still listen to that album you shared with me. No matter how much my head hurts from it.

---

I speak your name softly now,
an old friend whose laughter still hangs
in the corners of smoky rooms,
in the stomp of boots on concrete,
in that breath before a crowd lifts off the floor.

I remember you before the world’s weight
twisted inside you,
before the voices crowded your mind,
before the pain carved its claims into your body.
You were electric, untamed,
a crooked septum piercing,
that awful tattoo you gave yourself,
and every reckless, shining piece of you
made the world brighter.

You were kind in the rarest way,
not fragile, but fierce in generosity,
understanding the heaviness of being alive
and still choosing warmth.
Making sure that your friend would have food,
knowing you would go home to a cold house.

Everything but ordinary.
The brightest soul in every mosh pit,
catching strangers mid-fall
as effortlessly as you caught the rhythm of life itself.
Listening to Swedish screamo on your walkman,
I still have the vinyl,
cherished like you were.

I remember the victory of your hair growing out,
the bob you had wanted for so long,
brushing your jaw like sunlight against stone.
And the estrogen you risked for yourself,
bought with courage,
making your body finally match the woman you always were,
gorgeous, whole, undeniable.

Even in the darkness, you tried.
Even as the pain crept in,
your laughter, your wildness,
your generosity,
all of it remains with me.

Rest now, Evie.
Rest beyond the noise,
the storms,
the chemical betrayals,
in a place that finally honors the woman you fought to be.
I am grateful.
Grateful beyond words
to have known you as you were,
bright, beautiful, alive,
before the world tried to take you away.

I am proud you have made the decision,
to not let your mind take you away.
That you chose this clarity,
and left us with your memory.
Heard within the album name I can’t pronounce.