Sick with meaning
Feeling drenched in menancholy tonight. Euphoric melancholy.
“Milena, if a million loved you, I am one of them, and if one loved you, it was me, if no one loved you then know that I am dead” - Franz Kafka
Soundtrack, my main inspiration these days: Euphoric Melancholy - Mitchel Emms
Sick with meaning
I tried to read tonight.
Something classic, something dense,
That could make me forget your name for more than six pages.
Didn’t work.
Every metaphor turned into your smile.
Every tragic protagonist had your emotional turmoil.
I think I might be sick with meaning.
You’ve infected my vocabulary.
My thoughts keep showing up dressed like sonnets,
reeking of desperation and espresso.
My heart is pacing the room like a bad actor
waiting for your cue.
You don’t even know what you do to my brain.
You exist and suddenly I’m rewriting the universe.
It’s pathetic.
I’m pathetic.
I keep thinking if I could just get you on paper,
Really get you, the soul you have shaped,
Capture that tiny chaos that happens
Right before you smile.
Then maybe I could sleep again.
Or maybe I’d disappear.
I can’t tell which I want more.
I can’t tell which you’d prefer.
You’re not even mine.
You’re not even close.
You’re this unsolvable thing
I shall keep praying to under my breath,
Like maybe love is a language I’ll eventually become fluent in.
Because it’s all I want to speak to you.
And still, I sit here,
Adrift and ridiculous,
Writing another not-letter I’ll never send.
Because if you ever read this,
If you ever saw the way my hands shake when I type your name.
You’d know too much.
You’d know I built a cathedral out of every word you ever gave me.
Because I finally have started to write again.
Actually, I wish I didn’t mean this.
But I do.
Every word.
Every loving, trembling word.
If you’re new here, hey! Hit that subscribe button if you like the vibe I put out here. I like to write stuff and I hope I can inspire someone to do the same. It doesn’t have to be good. Have the courage to create, to let your soul explore creativity, to make yourself feel whole again in this world that is slowly falling apart. Let being creative, let love especially, salvage your soul.
I could not tell what this would be about from the title, but I purposely chose it, because I, too, want to scape from a certain name that follows me everywhere, especially as I read about love, so I tend to avoid posts about romance. So naturally, this punched me in the gut hahaha but in a way enjoyed!! You truly truly have a gift with the way you use words, this was so beautiful to read. However they are, they don’t know the luck they carry to be the muse of such an artist.