Touch too much
Any AC/DC song reminds me of you, so I play them all the time
Dear B,
I spent a good hour today trying to think of a text to send to you. Not that you will ever know that. “Did you survive today? I heard ‘zwans’ was on the schedule today.”. And let me tell you, I cannot even comprehend how ashamed I am for putting in so much time and effort.
To ask about your day. And I put his nickname in there on purpose, in hopes that you’d respond faster. I was thinking about telling you about everything I have done today. Not that I think you care. But just so you would maybe open it before the clock strikes midnight?
Is my free trial already over again? Because it feels like I need to re-subscribe every time I want you to talk to me. Maybe I just need to reinvent myself everytime just to keep you interested. Apparently I am only interesting when you’ve seen me. You like me. But you don’t like me. Or you do, who am I to speak for you?
You touched me the entire day, yesterday. We’re just friends. “Sweetheart”. And you like tickling me. Or when I almost fell of the crate - that I use as a stool, since I am too small to reach anything, which you love - you held me up. “Inimini”. With your hands on my waist. Even though you were the reason I almost fell. Your face mere centimeters from mine. And your breath cold since we were hidden away in the cooler. “Mini-chef”. I came early to clean the cooler. You chose to help me. Just so we would be alone. Together.
But we’re just friends, right? For example, last Wednesday, when you called me at 1 am. I didn’t answer. I was asleep, like a sane person would be doing. But I did check at 4 am to see if you finally texted me back. Like a sane person would be doing?
You called me to ask me - after I already confirmed it - if I were staying at the company. Yes. I told you. But you needed to be sure. I don’t believe you. Just friends, right, “sweetheart”?
And the worst of all, I will let you play with me like this. I don’t mind that you’re using me. That I am your new toy for the time being. I will gladly renew my membership for a little grain of attention. Anytime. Because we both know we have something special. I long for you to recognise that in yourself. We both also know you will run as soon as you do.
Please, put that bottle down. It makes you more social. And it just hurts more everytime you leave me on unopened after. “Cute”.
You finally followed me back on Instagram. We both never use the app. But you took the effort to do so. How much did you have to drink?
Am I finally interesting to you? No? I will stay up at night, just to wait for an answer back.
But we’re just friends, “sweetheart”.
Milena ("Sweetheart")
P.S.
I will stay awake a little longer. Hoping you will, too.